Growing Pains

When I was an young I day dreamed a lot about "growing up". This ambiguous idea consisted mostly of special privileges like, no homework, staying up late, and watching movies rated higher than "PG". I viewed being "grown up" as something you arrived at like climbing a mountain, or taking a train. I wasn't sure at what age one "arrived" at grown up station but I was SO excited to get there. My 11th year was the year I associate with pain. Not so much the humiliation kind that so often visits this tender age, but the physical kind that comes with rapid growth (and I mean freakishly rapid, thanks mom). I started the school-year 5ft, a fairly average height for an 11 year old, but, before the following summer I reached the towering height of 5ft 6in and was still climbing. 6 shoe sizes and a few months later I topped out at 5ft 10in, and to awkward to carry glass. Now you can imagine what kind of impact this kind of rapid cell division has on the human body, and from what I remember my pants were always short (this was before Capri's were "in"), gym class was a new form of torture, and leg cramps woke me every night. This kind of "growing up" was not quite as I had imagined. I may have been the size of an adult but I still didn't feel that I had "arrived".
Having celebrated a recent birthday, I have been reflecting on being"grown up". I am more comfortable in my "freakishly tall" body, have accomplished many of my goals. I am married to an amazing man, have a house, two dogs, and a cat, but some days I feel as if I am still waiting to pull up into "grown up station" and have everything together. To somehow be able to balance my dreams with my realities. To stay organized, pay the bills on time, keep the car clean, and eat 3 balanced meals a day. At grown up station the toilet get's cleaned more than every two weeks, the laundry never piles up I never forget to put soap in the dish washer. Now you may be thinking "Ha! this girl wants what doesn't exist"......but until recently I viewed grown up station as a reality and I wanted to be there fast!
So after all of this reflection, the other day I decided to put on my grown up pants and get things moving...I took my car to the body shop, got the oil changed, and got it cleaned (first time since the wedding). Now I am not a car person. If it has to do with cars I generally ignore it until it is smoking, stinking, or falling apart....part of my weird procrastination gene I guess. I tend to want Mr. Mc to handle all car related doings so, I was feeling quite proud of myself, and upon coming home, expected much applause and goings on about my accomplishments. Well, needless to say what awaited for me upon my arrival was nothing but a kitchen full of dirty dishes and a hubby focused on budget and apparantly something I forgot to pay. Grouchily, I buckled down and did the dishes (still no applause) made lists of all my personal bills and a schedule of how to pay them (No applause) and was trying to set some financial goals(you guessed it, still no applause). I moodily sat on the couch and brooded..... It was about that time that I got it. I was being a grow up and it hurt! This year has been a bit like my 11th year, I've had the equivalent to 10 inches of growing up (Husband, House, Dogs, etc.) and with this growing has come the pains!
Now, I have embraced that "Grown up station" is a myth and that we are continually changing, learning, and growing into who we are meant to be. I may never have it all together and that's fine......So after a bit of convo with Mr. Mc about bills I decided to indulge in some of the good parts of being "grown up" and enjoyed a PBR on the back patio and looked at my Christmas lights......question your childhood myths, you might just learn something interesting about how you live your life.

Starbucks Debacle and a concofeny of life

Hello again readers! It has been a while since by last blog and I have several excuses a) it was my birthday week and I took a break from life b) I was in a little funk, and c) There hasn't been much in my day to blog about. Actually looking at the list those could all be one thing, but anywho I am back and you may have noticed from the title of this posting there isn't a clear direction to what you are about to read so bare with me and you may get a laugh or lesson from my anecdotes.
So this morning started out a little rough. Now mornings are not usually easy for me but lately they have been extra rough since I have discontinued the use of pharmaceuticals to ensure a proper nights sleep....that is right....no more Ambien! I have been pretty dependent on them the past year, and now am trying to live more holistically. So far the results have been less than satisfactory. I rolled out of bed to take Mr. Mc. to work around 9:30 with the promise that I would stop by the ole'SB (starbucks) and treat myself to a delicious cup of extra-strong goodness to get the blood flowing. I was feeling slightly guilty about the expense (frugalista moment) since I have a perfectly good coffee maker at home but since it was already a bagillion degrees out (yeah bagillion check weather.com) the process of brewing and then cooling and then adding almond milk and agave just seemed like WAAAAAYYYY too much work and time for my sleep deprived brain. I was also feeling guilty about the milk (Trying to phase out animal products) and the caffeine! Wow you might be thinking, way too much guilt for one morning but yeah....that is how I roll, a guilty insomniac. So I had a brain-full when I drove up to order. Now I don't get too fancy with the coffee lately just some iced caffeine with milk and sweetener to go please, but it being SB I always feel like I need to use the lingo. So I like to order coffee with extra shots as "red eye" one extra ,or "black eye" two extra. My sis-in-law Linzy (who works at SB) pointed out to me once that she likes to order a "tall back eye" cuz it sounds like you want a "tall Black Guy"! This entertains me so much that I usually order one just so I can say "I'd like a tall black guy to go please! mmmmm! (they never notice in the drive through that you say that) So....feeling mischievous but obviously not quite awake I go to order and say something like this. "morning, I'd like a Venti Tall Guy!" AHHH....I totally botched my own joke and the poor girl on the other side was like what? I awkwardly resisted the urge to yell "Psych!" and drive off quickly, and instead ordered a " uhhh Venti Black eye....with uhhhh 3 spenda's..... and uhhhh extra milk".....Doh! So much for my cool coffee drinking composure! As I pulled up to the window I didn't even want to make eye contact with the barista, I shamefully gave her my plastic took my coffee and left. I didn't notice until I pulled out that my coffee was hot! Ughh. In all of my flustration (flustered frustration) I forgot to say iced! So....I paid 4 something for some embarrassment and I couldn't even drink it until I went home and put ice in it (cuz you know it was a bagillion degrees outside).....and that was the start to my morning.
On another note, probably due to the lack of activity in our nest. I have been contemplating the start of many new things! I will not blog about them today since most are just random thoughts not yet formed completely in my head but it is very refreshing to explore new ideas and grow into who I am meant to be! If we are not growing how will we ever bare fruit?

Compulsion in the "Magical World of Wonder"

Hello again faithful readers (hi mom!) I have been waiting to update all of you on the "thank you note" post and I am proud to say that I have just finished the last one! wow talk about a load off my back! Now I can focus on other things like knitting, painting, and writing about myself! yay!!




Friday I set out to become creatively inspired. Having had surgery on my right arm in May I have been unable to drive myself anywhere. I was beginning to feel like those caged tigers at the zoo, pacing back and forth, eyeing toddlers, and licking their lips. I HAD to get out of the house and look at stuff! I finally was able to drive and could barely sleep Thursday for the excitement of going to my favorite fabric stores and hunting for deals! I am the kind of person who loves digging through bins of knick-knacks to find the perfect (insert item) for that perfect (insert place/project). If it is on clearance I will find it! Coupons are like magic to me, and "sale" is one of my favorite words. Generally this ends up being to my advantage and I can keep a thrifty household, but on occasion, my hunt for sales can mix with a complulsive mindset to become a dangerous cocktail of mania fueled shopping.......this is what happened Friday. I started out at the local chain craft store which shall remain nameless (they aren't paying me to advertise). I found amazing clearance fabric, yarn and ribbons, picked up some notions and a magazine and before I knew it I had racked up quite a haul in my shopping cart. Feeling slightly guilty but justified with my purchases I picked up a American-sized diet coke and drove on to my "Magical World of Wonder" or what is typically called Textile Fabrics. I have been in this store several times since I have moved here to Nashville, but never unsupervised, and with every fabric in the store being 50% off, I don't know how I didn't smell disaster coming. I felt like a kid in Willie Wonka's factory, walking up and down the aisles touching everything, becoming more and more hyper without realizing I was doomed for a creative overdose. I started shopping in the clearance section, feeling very smart about my choices checking labels and visioning what the pieces of textile would become, by the time I got to the children's prints I was teetering on the edge, and once I spotted the batiks it was all over. I began pulling bolts of fabric left and right, mania taking over the budgeted center of my brain. When I had finally exhausted myself, I returned to the cutting counter to check out with my treasures. When the sweet lady behind the counter began ringing everything up I started to come out of my stupor, and when she announced the total, my palms were beginning to sweat. "Oh man, my husband is not gonna like this", I started to say. The lady behind the counter (Lets call her my enabler) was quick to reply with, "Come on it is a great deal, just tell him it is like Costco, buy more now, save more later!" With her reassurance pushing me back into creative oblivion, I happily handed over my plastic. signed my X, and lugged my giant bag of fabric to the car. While driving towards home reality slowly began seeping into my brain and I again became worried about the money I spent and Mr. Mc's opinion of my whole compulsive day. I called him at work and blurted out,

"HiHoneyOMGIamSoSOHappyIjustgotthemostGORGEOUSfabricAnditisAMAZINGandIamsoexcited!"

I can only image what he was thinking with this manic out burst and after a few questions, my intuitive husband figured out that I had broken our spending rule. You see we have a rule where if we are going to spend over a certain amount we talk to the other person. (This is a great rule for those of you who are like me and occassionaly have spending outbursts) Being the loving hubby that he is he said that we would talk about it later (since he was at work) and with this, all the consequences of what I had done came down on me. I had a healthy reality moment, called my mom in typical drama queen style, cried, and finally, like a big girl, went back to the local craft store and returned the non-escentials that could be returned. On my drive home I reflected on my diet-coke fueled spree with an adult perspective. This story has a happy ending, Mr. Mc is SO understanding, I have AMAZING fabric to make BEAUTIFUL things with, and I have learned my lesson in a short amount of time which wasn't all that aweful. Now I know that if I am going to enter a fabric store unsupervised, I CANNOT have any plastic, only cash.........also, don't shop in your favorite stores with sales while drinking gallons of caffeine and no sleep.

Tend Your Garden

"The deeper the civilization of a country may to a great extent be measured by the care she gives to her flower garden-the corner of her life where the supposedly 'useless' arts and graces flourish.

-Edith Wharton



I have recently finished my favorite book I have ever read (okay that might be a small exaggeration but it was very timely and well written). A few months back I picked up and interesting looking paperback at our local TJMAX called "Entre Nous, A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl" by Debra Ollivier. I can honestly say I picked it up because the cover had an interesting illustration,and it was a steal at $7.99. I tend to buy books like I buy wine, for the cool label. Fortunately for me, this book was a full bodied, timeless vintage with an introspective finish. (he he I should review books for a living huh?) The last chapter really struck home with me in regards to work and leisure. Sunday night Mr. Mc and I sat down for some "serious organization and goal strategy" or in other words, "planning how I can get my butt of the couch and do something with my art already".
Armed with multicolored sharpies and a large(and I mean large) pad of paper I wrote out a weekly plan for getting my booty in gear. This plan has actually worked and I can say that I have accomplished many goals and the ever-present-self-guilt has been locked in a closet for the time being. Now you may be thinking....."good for you, way to get your list done" and coming from our multitasking, list making, productive society, it makes perfect sense to think this way. But, after reading the final chapter in "Entre Nous" yesterday I realized the sadness of my plan. I had created rules to force creativity upon myself and planned a week without regards to what my feelings and inclination would be for each day. Sure this week I have started a blog, painted, knitted, worked on a web page, designed business cards,and lowered my television intake, but I simply did them to make a check-mark on my over-sized colorful to do list! How sad! So yesterday I decided to relax, and tend my garden. I painted in my room, listened to records, drank coffee, read, browsed craft books, journaled, took an extra long shower and pampered my skin. At the end of the day I looked back at what I had experienced and thought about, what I had learned about myself and felt an anticipation of what the next day would bring. Funny enough, I had accomplished my list without realizing it! By tuning into my own sense of priorities I had reached my daily goals without the constraints of a schedule.
Now, I realize that we must work to live, but we MUST choose to "give everything in our lives its natural due whether it be work, family, or interests. So stop your laptopping (what I call mindlessly browsing the Internet, playing stupid games, and cyberstalking) limit your television (they are NOT real people who care about you) stop taking work calls at lunch, and take time to tend to your gardens!

Thank You Thank You Thank You and yes.....Thank You

Welcome to whomever has stumbled upon my new blog!

With much fanfare (yelling to my hubby Mr. Mc, "Hey I started a blog") my blogging world has begun. Obviously I am starting this out of the narcissistic urge that has seized my generation to share my day with complete strangers, as well as the urging of my mother to share my stories of domestic bliss. These stories generally start in tears, and end in hilarious laughter that soothes the soul, and mends my broken pride. Being a wife of 8 months has provided me with plenty of fodder for blogging, and being laid up after surgery for a month has finally given me the excuse to begin the selfish journey of telling you my day!



Whew! What an intro huh? So, today began with my mandatory number thank you notes. Now for those of you who are recently married you may relate to the mire I like to call "post wedding procrastination". This encompasses finding places for all of those salad bowls, printing all of your amazing wedding photos you paid gobs for, and lastly writing a bajillion thank you notes. We were so fortunate to receive so many amazing gifts from our loved ones!! and my procrastination has nothing to do with gratefulness and everything to do with fear. So, this week I have broken it down into a doable number.....10 per morning. You may be thinking that this would be a simple task, and to many of you it is, but for me? No, it is like going to the dentist only with bad tasting envelopes and no happy gas. I am not sure when it became such a treacherous journey for me but I believe it was around December. Month 2 of marriage was full of Nesting, job hunting in my new city and the holidays.....pretty soon it was Valentines day and then Easter and then Holy Cow!!! We had been married 6 months and the shoebox full of lovingly hand made thank you's were shamefully pushed to the back of the shelf. I think I assumed that if I left them there long enough they would write themselves and fly away to where they were intended........this did not happen. So......long confession short. I am writing my thank you notes at month 8 of marriage. 10 per day, it is like eating fiber cereal (good for the constitution) Any newly weds out there please take my advice and do this task before your guests A) change addresses......B) call you to find out if you go their gift.......C) uninvite you from their wedding.......or D) *gasp* die.

'nuff said......write them already....